Rodney Recommends... Ridiculous Photos

Rodney Recommends... Eddie Lewis

What's up, Rodney? I thought you were long gone. "Well I am a busy miniature man nowadays, so I don't recommends as much, but when it is deserved I will still be recommending stuff."

Eddie Lewis today then? "Yeah. Did you see his wondergoal last night?" I did Rodney, it was sublime. I liked the way Graham Alexander scrambled but couldn't reach it. "There's just no stopping a Lewbanger free-kick."

Lewbanger is a great nickname. "He likes it himself. I was having a chat with him after the game and he loved being called it. I even presenting him with the picture that is on this page, above right." What did he say to it? "'Oh God,' and then he chuckled."

Sum up then, Rod. "Lewbanger, you little legend."

Rodney Recommends... The Music - Welcome To The North

"Class album, give it a listen." Is it a new album? "No, been out years." Fair enough.

Rodney Recommends... Freddie Mercury Playing Premiership Football

Freddie Mercury plays Premiership football? "Yes. He plays up front for Manchester City and even scored two goals yesterday." He sounds good. "Well, he should score plenty of goals, but he'll miss his fair share too. But, you won't hear me knocking him, purely for being Freddie Mercury playing football."

Rodney Recommends... Ignoring People With Charisma

"People with charisma will generally be hiding their own acceptance that life is actually rather dull 97% of the time." When does the 3% occur? "Well I am only guessing here, but I would imagine that 2% of it is on occasions like meeting a beautiful girl who loves you back, getting married, having a child... all those types of things. The 1% of sheer joy I can vouch for though, is when you see either Kenan or Kel in a show that you didn't even know they were in. When that happens, it is sheer ecstasy." Lol (I don't use the term 'lol' very often, so I am amused.)Yes, it is class when that happens.

May I make a rare recommendation, Rodney? "Go on then." Well, whilst searching for a picture to represent charisma, I have found a woman called Charisma Carpenter. I recommend looking her up. "Good work. You might have to get into my line of work some time."

"May I just finish by saying that I don't like miserable people either. I like people with comic outlooks." Thanks. Is that why you like me then? "No, I like you because you do my typing for me." Little scamp.

Rodney Recommends... The Telly

Television is class. "It bloody is." Don't think you will find much argument. "Well, that's just it! I have heard television take quite a battering of late and it chuffing annoys the hell out of me." Mmm.

"So, I am recommending the telly. Just think of the brilliant shows that have been produced over the years." Pugwall's Summer for one. "Yeah. Also, Saved By The Bell, The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, Neighbours, Coronation Street, Kenan and Kel, Degrassi Junior High, Match Of The Day, Soccer Night Extra, Bo Selecta, Only Fools and Horses, Calendar, Look North, Emmerdale Farm, Emmerdale, Newsround, Get Your Own Back, California Dreams, My New Best Friend, Kojak, Rising Damp." The list is endless. "Exactly! And people have the cheek to criticise it! Ooo, it makes me mad."

I think the point people try to make is that your brain isn't being used whilst watching television. "A point I take on board, of course and it probably is true. I don't use my mind much when I'm watching Chucklevision or Deal or No Deal, for instance, but it is bloody enjoyable, I tells ya. Also, I don't mind people who feel the need to have a go at TV if they are culture vultures themselves. But often, people slag it off, when they spend their spare time drinking frightfully unhealthy amounts of beer or reading stories about celebrities."

We'll leave it there.

Rodney Recommends... Too Cool For School Member #1 - Roger Federer

Today we bring to you a new feature of this ever-evolving site. Care to explain it, your Rodship? "Indeed I will. Whenever I see someone who I regard to be 'too cool for school' I will add them to the 'Too Cool For School' catalogue, as well as giving you, my ever-faithful readers, a bit of an explanation."

OK then, introduce the inaugural member to us. "The first member is Roger Federer, tennis superstar. He is the current world number 1 and is so good at the game, he could end up there for the remainder of his career. This on it's own though would not be make him necessarily too cool for school. What makes him so, is the fact that you very rarely seeing him making forced fist-pumping actions or generally acting like a hyperactive spoilt teenager.

On top of this he has an array of strokes that make, what can often be a very dull sport, seem like ballet with a tennis racquet incorporated. He also has the hair of a rock star.

Roger Federer, you are Too Cool For School."

Rodney Recommends... Barcelona Brightening Their Away Kit Up

"I don't know how they can make one another out."

Rodney Recommends... Lionel Messi

Haven't you recommended him already? "I'm not sure, have I?" I am not sure either. We lose track of things don't we Rodney? "I'll recommend him anyway, saves looking through the archive." OK.

What is good about this chap then? "He is the new Maradona. He's class. He is an inspiration to everyone. He has got past the stigma of being named Lionel and gone on to be a legend in the making."

Will he be better than Ronaldinho, do you reckon? "I'm not sure, he is better at taking men on, but Ronaldinho is good for the ludicrous factor."

Will he be better than Robbie Blake? "Don't be daft." Of course he won't.

Rodney Recommends... The Dutch

"Set of bicycle-riding, serious-faced, hilarious-voiced follies."